Wednesday, August 8, 2007

My Big Sis*

Moving to Paris has always been a dream of mine and not one that I readily shared with those around me. It's always been something that has been completely mine in my dreams and fantasies until recently. Now that the wheels are in motion and I'll have the opportunity to live on French soil do I feel comfortable enough to share that dream with others. And while I'm completely ecstatic regarding my temporary move to France there's another side of the story that I'm in sort of denial about.

My sister went away to college in upstate NY when I was 15 years old and looking back it didn't seem like that big of a deal at the time I was more looking forward to not having to share a room with her any longer. Time has changed that and our relationship has grown and blossomed in ways I never thought possible, I am no longer the bratty kid sister and she is no longer the overbearing older sister (occasionally we do regress back to these archetypes).

When I told my sister that I would be moving to France for seven months she was happy and excited for me but there was a shakiness to her voice that spoke volumes about how she really felt about my leaving. During a recent phone conversation she asked me if I will be returning home for Christmas and my response was "I'm not sure yet and I don't know if I will be able to afford it." And her immediate response was "Well I'll just buy your ticket." I have depended on my sister tremendously in the past and at times have used her as a crutch which may have thwarted development in some areas of my life. And while I appreciate her offer to buy me a plane ticket, an offer that I may more than likely take her up, I'm not sure that if it will be the right thing for me to do in terms of my experience living abroad. Who knows, maybe when the time comes that's the exact thing I need in terms of fulfilling me.

Will I miss my parents, family and friends while I'm in France? Of course but I don't think that will really hit me until after I've been living there for a while and I realize that I'm not there on vacation. However, the person I will miss the most is my big sister and not having her within a three hour drive scares the beejeezus out of me.

*This post is dedicated to Rho my one and only big sister.


Anonymous said...

I feel the same way. I'm quite close with my older sister, I've often relied on her for emotional support, she's the reliable force in my life I can count on. I won't be able to come back for Christmas this year which will be so weird because it's always been the five of us, I don't think we've ever had a Christmas sans one of us. I know what you mean about it doesn't really feel like your moving

Mills Pierre said...

Take your sister up on the plane ticket...she loves you dearly! I think you should figure a plan to stay in paris longer...the holidays are beautiful, but it may be a bit much to be by yourself...I recommend new year in Paris though!!!!