La Poste Ate My Care Package

My dear (read crazy) mother sent me a care package from New York on November 3rd. According to usps.com said package arrived in France on November 7th and has yet to make its way to my doorstep.

The contents of said package include:

1 cozy Black Dog sweatshirt from Martha's Vineyard
3 packs of Orbit gum
3 sticks of Dove Invisible Solid deodorant
2 black belts
2 toe separators
Toothpaste
Chapstick
1 copy of Paris to the Moon by Adam Gopnik
1 copy of Better Reading French : A Reader and Guide to Improving Your Understanding of Written French by Annie Hemingway

Now I have no idea why the French government would be holding my package hostage or why they think it contains contraband. Maybe there is an obscure law about importing deodorant or wearing deodorant on the Paris metro for that matter (as an aside le trafic des trains reste perturbé for yet another day).

When I went to the post office to try to track my package the woman helping me told me that it wasn't yet in the system and had not arrived yet. I tried to convince her that it did in fact arrive in France weeks ago but she wasn't having any of it. When I asked if it was possible for me to call customs to try locate the package her response to me was "there's nothing I can do, you'll just have to wait."

And so I'm waiting. In the meantime I'll just freeze in my apartment because I cannot control the heat and I have no warm clothes. I'll also continue to use the nasty licorice toothpaste that I purchased at my local super marché.